How to Keep Your Relationship Strong During Infertility

Two years ago this week we learned that we only have two choices, Donor or Adoption.We were lost, angry and beat down. Science, surgery, medicine, herbs nor vitamins could help. We have never cried so much in that week. This kind of pain can tear a couple apart, but we were determined to stay strong. We worked hard at keeping our minds and heart calm and in love.

I want to offer hope to those that are facing the same situation. Do not destroy your relationship because of infertility. Even if the person had caused their infertility, remember why you are with them. You love them and it wasn't solely based on them giving you children.

Communicate even if its just tears.  You can listen to each other, speak your heart, write when you can't speak. Don't be afraid of counseling; its not just for hurting couples. My husband, a family therapist, sat in front of another therapist and talked about our infertility and marriage. If he can do it, then you know that you can too.

Stop telling yourself "No one understands!" Your friends and family may or may not have shared in a bout of infertility, but someone around you has. You have no idea unless you speak up. I can't believe how many people have shared their stories when we just mention that we aren't just "taking our time trying" anymore. Keeping it secretive is your choice, but don't be made at others that have no idea about why it's taking so long.

Don't rush. At the end of this struggle, you might find that you don't want children anymore or that someone might offer to assist you in a manner you never thought of. Hubby and I are proud of the fact that we have bounced between all of our options because it gave us the opportunity to analyze how ready we are to instill in another human being rather from our blood or not.

Pick your own path with no regret. My mother went to a fabric store for the nursery's crib skit and the sales person asked "Oh when is the baby due?" My mother as bubbly as ever said "We don't know, we are adopting. Rather my daughter is!" The lady was nearly in tears as she told my mom that her and her husband couldn't conceive and he was totally against having a family any other way. Thirty plus years later she still cries over it. I knew then that I don't want any regrets. I want to try my best at whichever route we chose and be satisfied with the outcomes and it's surprises.

I hope these tips are helpful to keep your relationship strong during this difficult time.


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