Working it to the Core
For four months Hubby and I have been working 2 jobs and more than 50 hours a week. Most of the time, we are only off on Sundays. Exhausted, tired, and cranky are our middle names. We are doing all this in the name of having a child. Every extra dime goes into the adoption account. The mercury is slowly moving the needle but we are still far from our goal. I'm losing motivation. Usually people work hard with a means to the end. The end is a child for our family. When don't know when we will get a child. We don't know if we can get assistance from grants or not. So many people suggest taking out a loan. It feels so rude to me. All I can think about it the thousands and thousands of dollars that I have already spent. We don't want to spend the first 10 years of our child's life paying the loan back. We want to invest in them, their education and their growth. Sometimes I want to shout, "Did you borrow money for that C-section?"
I battle with the notion of getting out of debt and having a family. Both aren't coming with ease. I'm grossly underpaid so saving for adoption or paying my huge student loans seem impossible. Every year that goes by, I question my future. I question rather I was meant to be a mom. Some people make really great Aunts and never get the chance or want to be a parent. Perhaps that is my future. The message is not clear. The door of opportunity is not open. However I keep moving. I keep working every hour I can stay awake and saving every penny I can. Hubby and I were literally rolling coins on the weekend until about 3 weeks ago. We only stopped when we learned that the bank will unroll them just to recount them.
We are financially dependent on earning adoption grants. We would love to earn roughly $8000 worth of grants! This is the greatest and the most challenging adventure I have ever been on. Adoption pulls at every angle there is. Children are worth fighting for and I know they are a gift in their own right. I am just trying to stay strong as I work my fingers to the bone and my heart to the core.