Lost Gift

Wednesday, December 3, 2014
One short phone conversation changed our future.

It took Hubby and I four months to get enough courage to ask a family member to be a donor. Hubby and I had gone back and forth on this idea every other week. We kept looking at the $1200 we saved and wondered what was the best course of action to begin a family. We didn't have much but we wanted so much. All we really had in abundance was time and prayers.

We trusted one friend and asked his opinion of the situation. He said, "I would ask my brothers if I needed to go that route. So yeah, do it." And we did. We spent three days explaining to the family member every single medical detail of what Azoospermia is and how that has prevented us from having children. We explained that our only choices for children would be to use a donor or adopt. We wanted to try the donor route with a family member and saved enough money to get the process going. For two month we had his undivided attention and his word. He agreed to help us, to bless us, to gift us what we couldn't give ourselves.

It wasn't until that Wednesday when we were set to begin working with the doctor that he backed down. Only a few hours from the appointment, he told us that we only will get one chance. That he wasn't going to help us beyond this point. I felt like twenty bees were after me all at once. There was nowhere to go. What did we do to deserve this? What happened to his loving kindness and his thoughtfulness? Why would he limit his and eventually take his gift away?

Eight months crept by before I had the chance to see that family member. I didn't confront him, nor was I mad at him. I just simply spoke salutations. After a few beers, he looked me in the eye, with our spouses in another room and apologized for leaving Hubby and I empty handed. He explained that his wife didn't want me to have the gift of life. She was selfish and greedy. I was shocked because he was hurt from hurting us. Another two months crawled by and we learned of more news. Instead of his wife being content with five lovely children, she wanted a sixth.

Lost Gift

I felt like a bulldozer ran me over and backed up for good measure. It wasn't our gift to begin with. Gifts come from the heart and aren't taken back. You place it in the hands of people you care about and you wish them the best. You part with your opinions, guilt and fear so that the gift may have room to do the most work; to do great work.

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