Losing Friends

I believe that I have been losing friends over the past few years. I can not believe how our infertility has effected others. Hubby and I were standing in the hallway chatting with some friends when another couple walked up. That couple mentioned something from a group picnic they all attended. One of my friends quickly threw in "It was a get together for the kids." That meant to me that we were not invite because we don't have kids.

Fast forward two years and Hubby and I have noticed that we have been excluded quite often. Parenthood has turned into a secret society that only the fertile or those who adopt are allowed to join. There are special events and even a secret language. I noticed that pride and gloating go hand and hand for parents and I can't do that unless I cross the bridge. Don't mention anything obvious or people will look like you are crazy. I worked in a day care for two years and taught English as a second language for two years to babies and toddlers. It's not special that your kid rolled over, crawled or said 'dada' at 11 months old. Get over yourself!

One thing that I didn't expect to learn was that people feel uncomfortable around us because we can't conceive. It's been four long years and I have been excluded from picnics to luncheons to amusement parks. Well, I'm sorry to all those that felt the desire to exclude me. You should have felt ashamed when you sent over 11 invitations to your baby showers. Now those are events that infertility women would love to skip. It truly hurts to see a growing belly, tiny baby booties, and soft blankets. It's not the same as seeing a happy child go down a slide or run around a mall.

Having a few friends that don't have children would at least insure that every conversation is not about diapers and spit-up. But hey, I don't have children so what do I know. Only two other ladies with kids know about our infertility in details. So, it really intrigues me as to why we aren't invited. What happens if we just don't want kids. Does that mean we are only subjected to hanging out with wild 20 year old and 50 year old with adult children our age? Wow! That was depression just typing it...

I'm just curious on the number of friends that will come back around and invite us when I'm finally pregnant or adopt. Am I allowed to join your little picnics then? Can we sit at the same table then? Little do they know, I might say 'no thank you'. I don't want my kid picking up your family's bad habits.


  1. Hi Maruki,

    Checking out your blog since you commented on mine over the weekend. Good luck in this cycle! We're starting our first natural cycle insemination with an anonymous donor this month. Maybe we'll both be in a different position this time next year!


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