A Mother's Day Wish

On April 27, I hurried my way into the infertility clinic with my husband high on my heels. We headed to the first office to verify insurance and then down the hall to the beautifully decorated doctor's office. Mr. Mind and I were one of four couples waiting to be seen. All the women in the room knew what we were in there for. We all want children and this was the humble place to get them.

The nurse called my name and we both popped up like turkey timers. Right to the room we went. I verified everything from name, age, cycle ending date, ovulation date, and donor information. With the nurse waiting outside the room, I hopped on the table and laid back. (Why do they leave the room when they are going to see everything anyway?) The nurse came in, did the procedure in 10 minutes and told me to lay still for 15 minutes. "That's it?! Way too fast lady!"

Mr. Mind stood at my head the whole time, (nurse's suggestion) and didn't say much. He was squeezing my hand as though he was in pain. When she left the room, I squealed "Ok, it's over. Stop Squeezing!!" We said a prayer for this tremendous step we took and the health and life of the potential baby before laying for 25 minutes. Yeah, I stole an extra 10 minutes in that room!

I got dressed and gathered all my things and walked out the doctor's office clinching my uterus tightly. It resulted in a funny walk, but who cares. I had something more precious that gold in there and I wanted to leave it there!

The two week wait was not too bad. I was super nervous the next day after the procedure but life returned to normal. Friday May 8, I ran to the bathroom to test for pregnancy. Mother's Day was two days away and I wanted to know that I was pregnant. I received a negative on the test. No fear, I'll try again on Sunday. Sunday morning, Mother's Day, Mr. Mind gave me a very sweet card recognizing that day as my first Mother's Day. My mother-in-law and one of my brother-in-law called and wished me a happy day also. Everyone believed that I would get a positive test. However I stood in the bathroom with a pregnancy test with only one line. The cycle was to end the next day and I was not getting a positive test.

Per doctor's request, I went into the office of the 14th day after the procedure for a blood test, Monday. A half an hour later I got a call saying I was not pregnant. Shock, stunned and hurt. But no tears fell. I informed my husband and he was angrier than I. Stating he doesn't understand why. We spent the whole evening sort of silent. We spoke about tv shows and food.

Later that night, trying to sleep, I asked him the lay his hand on my empty womb and say a prayer. In all things, give thanks and that's what we did with tears finally falling.

We will have to do this all over again. The money and time spent worrying about doing this procedure was back upon us. No baby for the Johnstree Family and our mother's didn't have a great Mother's Day because I wasn't a Mother (yet)...

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