What does Childless Mean?

To society, childlessness is appraised upon young adults. Children are often viewed as a financial and physical burden. Everything from TV, to movies, to songs promote partying, hanging out, and traveling rather than family. Society promotes the advancement of your career and education over children. But what happens when you do it all already? Hubby and I spent the last 9 years partying, hanging out, traveling internationally and earning our master degrees. What is next? Rinse and repeat?

I can say anything I want to my husband except mention the word "childless". He refuses to accept that being childless is our fate. He gets so hot under the collar, then sad, when he thinks that he would never be a father, nor I a mother. I have never seen a man get so emotional about being a father. He craves for the lifestyle that parenthood brings. He is looking forward to the morning sickness, growing belly, nursery designing, delivery, midnight feedings and diaper changes. He often talks about being there for his children when they scrape their knees, hit their first ball and dance on the stage. He wants to be called Dad or Daddy because he feels that it's such an honorable title that must be earned and not given.

But I know the thought of being childless haunts him. He must think about it because just the other day when I mentioned that we need to seek out another agency or forget about it, he snapped a look at me, cut his eyes and said "I will be a father". I was not referring to forgetting about having a family, but seeking another agency. But I saw the pain and yearning in his eyes.

Yet our future looks so bleak, empty, childless. I know that one day we will have a child but we are not sure when. Which direction will we go? How much more heartache will we wade through before we are afloat?  We don't want to be childless any longer.


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