Big Mouths

Hubby and I have big mouths in our family. We have told our parents and best friends about our infertility within the past couple of months. It took alot just to do that.

Currently our cousins, aunts, grandparents and probably our uncles all know. People are calling to hear if the gossip is true and then try to figure out what to say to us. Someone people just wanted to know if we are ok. But for the most part, everyone is just shocked.

"Are you Sure?"

Yes, the couple that went the traditional route is infertile. The couple that dated for 5 years, engaged for 1.5 years and married for 3.5 years can't conceive. The couple that didn't want to live together before marriage. We have watched others from the sidelines for years. We held, fed and babysat everyone else's baby. We showered so many others. We are going stir crazy waiting for our turn.

"Just adopt!" 

A couple of cousins let the phrase roll off of their tongues quickly and as smooth as saying 'bless you' after a sneeze. Pardon us while we mourn the lost of having a biological child of our own. Excuse us as we try to figure out what life will be like for us now that we won't be able to feel a belly grow, or breastfeed. Give me a moment as we get every aspect of our lives, personalities and parenting styles questioned and analyzed. Just a second as go through the legal format to change the initial name because we weren't able to name them first.  Wait a year or two while we beg, borrow and save the $20k for a domestic adoption.

So everyone knows now that we aren't 'preventing' anymore. We aren't trying to be childless. We aren't trying to keep the 'high-life'. Actually we are a loving couple, broken and sad. Hurt and lost. Scared for our future. We have ideas and dreams, but no path to embark on them. 

Family: Now hurry, run and tell everyone that the Maruki couple is infertile. Just don't forget to request that they pray for us.


  1. Sorry that this journey has been a struggle for you. I have a few close friends who have also struggled with infertility and I know it has been hard on them. One is doing IVF and the other is adopting from Uganda.

    I know this may seem super odd, but it is possible that you may still be able to breastfeed. I mentioned that I did a ton of research when I was having lactation problems and there are two things that have caused adoptive moms to begin lactating - let me know if you want to talk about it . . . this seems such an impersonal space to bring it up so we can talk later.


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