One Baby Step Closer

Something magical happens everyday- babies are born into this world and into families. So many people wonder when will it be our day. I have been invited to and/or planned 13 baby showers during our 22 months of actively trying to conceive. I've seen women that were shocked to be pregnant and women that planned to get pregnant. I've listened to story after story of how to conceive, and advice longer than Santa's list. Everyone has a suggestion and I only know one woman whom actually understood real infertility. My parents and many times my mother-in-law participated in this emotional roller coaster. They cheered us on and was hurt when we failed. My friends just learned of our struggles within the last few weeks and I only hope that they understand our emotions. 
Between hubby and I, we have been to three doctors of various specialties to identify the cause of our infertility. We have spent the last 6 months wondering if each visit would place us one step close to conceiving. However each appointment actually placed us one step away. We remained hopeful-somehow. Blood was drawn, hormones tested, body parts x-ray and scanned, but only bad news followed. 

On June 26th we were told to seek a donor or adoption. We tried to prepared for what the doctor would say, but nothing can prepare you for hurtful news. The news took the wind out of us, it took the energy out of us. It burned to swallow this truth. Why is it that young, unprepared, uneducated, unmarried couples conceive so easily? Yet, we are forced to come out with tens of thousands of dollars to have a family. That evening we informed our parents of our horrible news and they too were hurt. Both asked us about our thoughts on adoption and we both had the same response, "We wanted to adopt our third child, never thought about our first." Hubby kept reminding me to not be hateful, but envy and anger has built in my heart. We will need around $22,000 just to have a baby....

Our journey to having a family has just begun. We are lost. We are heartbroken. We are slowly getting over it. We don't know what to do next, but I will keep you posted on our journey. 


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