Choices for a Change

Mr. Mind and I have been presented with a few choices to start a family. We did our best to prepare ourselves to hear these steps, but we are stuck on what to do.

1. Adoption
   a. Domestic
   b. International

2. Donor
  a. Relative
  b. Unknown

3. Focus on Ourselves (we added this)

I spent over three hours talking with my cousin who adopted a beautiful baby girl 3 years ago. She explained in detailed the long process, the emotions and how much energy it took. Money was and will always be a factor in everything that we do, but she stated that it is only to our advantage to compare every agency and their terms. That's where the money comes to play. Soon I will speak to an aunt that adopted a beautiful baby girl 9 years ago. Her perspective will be different because my aunt is in a different state from my cousin and the agencies were different. International adoption fits me and my life-long desire and passion to learn different cultures, languages and travel, but it's unfeasible at the moment.

The topic of donor is one all to unfamiliar with everyone around us. Speaking of 'donors' sparks a strange light in everyone. Some people cringe with the idea while others are just clueless in its requirements. Mr. Mind and I tossed around the idea for a day and then dropped it, only to bring it back up a few days later. A donor, rather known or related means that someone else is contributing to 50% of our child. That 50% is enough to make one of us feel left out, enough to feel useless. But I don't want that to be the case. I want both of us to be involved in this process just as much as a natural conception. Maybe that's not possible.... Using a donor is a weird concept that allows us to 'play God' by mulling over a thousand attributes of the donor. Do we want brown eyes and black hair or green eyes and brown hair? Do we want multicultural or multiracial? Do we want someone that eats a certain way or attended college? Everything that encompasses a person can show up in the offspring, right? We'll be too picky.

The third choice we are facing is just sit back and focus on us. After 22 months of TTC, we have finally got an answer to our infertility and now we can relax. I read a wonderful book called Making Babies by Dr.Sami S. David and he provides a wonderful breakdown to various situations that cause infertility and how they can be resolved without IVF or resolved when IVF didn't work. So our plan is to try acupuncture, yes, both of us. He gets a needle, I get a needle, we all get a needle! (in my best Oprah voice) Dr. David suggests that with acupuncture, the body will be able to recovery from blockage, stress induced problems, hormonal imbalances and more. We have nothing to lose, (perhaps money) so we will try it. We will also enjoy a health dose of vitamins from the highly recommended company Fairhaven Health. Everyone raves about FertilAid in the TTC world. Then we will re-add working out to the list. Lite yet adequate workouts should help us to continue to lose weight and ready our bodies to make babies. We will also take a trip or two to a counselor. Yes, counselors need counseling once in a while. Our marriage has been strong during this infertility struggle and we want to keep it like that! For the next three months, we will work hard on ourselves.

We are well aware what the doctors told us, but we feel that there is always a small possibility of conceiving on our own. The least we can do, is take a few months and work on us. No more trying to conceive, but trying to get better and be better. More focus on improving us. We will still seek out adoption introduction classes and learn more about donors, but it will be done methodically.

Cheers to us My Love for our future is full of choices for the most significant change of our lives!

From, Maruki


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