Baby Step 1

Tomorrow is the day that I will finally see a doctor for fertility issues. This last year has been a roller coaster ride. I have wished, crossed my fingers and prayed that every month was the magical month. I saw smiles, frowns and tears from Mr. Mind. We waited and waited. Three minute tests, two week windows and twelve empty months. Stunned, shocked and scared with the lack of fertility. We thought we did everything right. We married, prepared a home, and made space. Saved and improved our health. We have dreams and desires for our future for our family. Yet, empty handed.

Nothing prepared us for the emotions of family planning. We had to learn to hid our emotions for chemical pregnancies, other's unexpected pregnancies, and other's disturbing decisions to family planning. Hunched over a delicious fried rice dinner, Mr. Mind saw tears filling my eyes. I failed, the 12th month ended and I wasn't pregnant. Mr. Mind asked about a double date and I declined. I snared one nasty comment after another. He cut me off and said "Don't be bitter! I don't want you to be bitter."

Now I have a better frame of mind. I notice the new road. Curvy but paved. There are so many questions running through my mind.
Has the cyst or fibroid grown?
Is it preventing me from conceiving?
Are there more?
Is there another problem?
What's do I do next?

Nonetheless, I am not going to the doctor frustrated. I am confused, nervous, sad but full of energy to learn and fix the problem. I am willing to research and try (within means) all that I can to bring Mr. Mind and I a child. Perhaps nothing is wrong and I just needed to practice what I have the hardest with, patience.


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