The empty womb

I spent countless hours exploring all things baby for nearly a year. I flipped through websites, explored store shelves and my favorite, read tons of blogs. I watched videos of the best strollers, cloth diapers, and carrying slings. Mr. Mind and I weren't trying for a baby at the time, but I just wanted to be informed, be ready and it mostly feed my desire to start a family. Once my mental struggle of having a family resulted in a "let's give it a try", I thought it wouldn't be difficult.

How little did I know! Almost four months have gone by and to my surprise my womb is empty. How could this be? I thought pregnancy issues were for older women, sick women, or women of poor health/ Was I naive enough to believe that coitus was enough? Sure I did, that was why we spent a while preventing it. But here I am wondering what to do next. I read countless stories of women who were miscarrying often and praying for a sticky baby every month. Was I too to fall into that category? Do I spent more months trying before I call a doctor? I read women 's day to day encounters with thermometers, charts, needles, and pills. Was I suppose to do the same in order to conceive? What did I do wrong? Further more, what do I do next?

Mr Mind asked what did I want for Christmas and I looked to the ground and muttered "I don't know". I asked him and he said "a baby". I feel so horrible, because I knew I would be pregnant by now and give him the best gift money can't buy. Our families have been begging for a reason for holidays to be fun again. Watching adult children open gifts isn't as much fun as watching little children. But I've "failed". I can't scour the stores, websites or magazines to get my husband the perfect Christmas gift. So he and I must have to be satisfied with a sweater or something this season. We will still put up the Christmas tree, and play holiday music, but nothing has prepared me for what life has give me. This holiday, I will have an empty womb.


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