Thursday, September 18, 2014

Big Mouths

Hubby and I have big mouths in our family. We have told our parents and best friends about our infertility within the past couple of months. It took alot just to do that.

Currently our cousins, aunts, grandparents and probably our uncles all know. People are calling to hear if the gossip is true and then try to figure out what to say to us. Someone people just wanted to know if we are ok. But for the most part, everyone is just shocked.

"Are you Sure?"

Yes, the couple that went the traditional route is infertile. The couple that dated for 5 years, engaged for 1.5 years and married for 3.5 years can't conceive. The couple that didn't want to live together before marriage. We have watched others from the sidelines for years. We held, fed and babysat everyone else's baby. We showered so many others. We are going stir crazy waiting for our turn.

"Just adopt!" 

A couple of cousins let the phrase roll off of their tongues quickly and as smooth as saying 'bless you' after a sneeze. Pardon us while we mourn the lost of having a biological child of our own. Excuse us as we try to figure out what life will be like for us now that we won't be able to feel a belly grow, or breastfeed. Give me a moment as we get every aspect of our lives, personalities and parenting styles questioned and analyzed. Just a second as go through the legal format to change the initial name because we weren't able to name them first.  Wait a year or two while we beg, borrow and save the $20k for a domestic adoption.

So everyone knows now that we aren't 'preventing' anymore. We aren't trying to be childless. We aren't trying to keep the 'high-life'. Actually we are a loving couple, broken and sad. Hurt and lost. Scared for our future. We have ideas and dreams, but no path to embark on them. 

Family: Now hurry, run and tell everyone that the Maruki couple is infertile. Just don't forget to request that they pray for us.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

My Island

I want to get away from the fertile world. I want to escape all things baby. I don't want to see a stroller, or a onesie, or a diaper. I don't want to drive pass a playground or baby boutique. I don't want to make a funny face for a smile or smile when they smile back. Please don't ask me to hold them. (Even though I want to.)

Is there an infertile (IF) island that people can move to? A place that's free of droll, cries and coos. A place that doesn't have little bows, tiny shoes and cute hats. Perhaps IF Island will have all things adult and readily available. Check your worries at the door and leave your IF problems at the door.

  • Toss aside crappy fruit punch and tired apple juice. You can drink all the energy drinks, coffee and liquor you want. 
  • The word 'baby' is abolished unless you are talking about your significant other. Call your wife Sexy and your husband Hottie. No one is judging. 
  • There will be no chicken nuggets, mushy peas or bland proteins. Adults have teeth and we have the right to use them.
  • Couple related activities will dominate the area. Date night is every night and there are no curfews (babysitters create these) nor early dinner times. Only elderly and babies eat at 4pm. 
  • You don't have to worry about "family-friendly" decor wrapped around your favorite burger joint. You eat and enjoy your company at a restaurant, not stare at the walls.
  • What's a Potty Mouth? If you want to say the word "damn!" without whispering go right ahead. 
  • Adults like being naked too! Hey, we can even have a nudist beach, pool bar and restaurant without a 'child' warning.

A Place Where We can Forget it All!
My island's only requirement is that if you get pregnant or adopt, you have to leave. Yes, you get booted off, voted off, eliminated. There is another couple waiting to take your place. There is another man or woman sadden by their infertility diagnoses and wishes to ignore and forget the whole thing. The rest of the world would love to coo and smile over that the new bundle of joy in your life. But us on IF Island are enjoying our mojito and spicy nachos, beach side, naked, while shouting 'What The Hell' at the latest game on tv.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Message from a Child

Back in April, I ran into a lady from church going into a meeting. I wanted to ask her if we can meet to discuss adoption. At the time, she was holding her adopted daughter and I didn't know if she had revealed this to her or not so I said "I heard that you can help me with a-d-o-p-t-i-o-n info." The lady responded and said "Oh, yes. You don't have to spell it out. 'A' knows all about adoption." 'A' turns and says "I'm adopted!" She went on to explain that her mom got her from the hospital a few hours away.

Well last week, 'A' walks up to me at the end of the church service and asks "Are you going to adopt?" I was floored and caught off guard. How did this 5 year old remember a short conversation more than 4 months ago? She has seen me a number of times since then and she never spoke a word about the conversation, until that day. I told her that I went to a meeting to learn all about it and we will adopt a baby one day. She said ok, smiled and just stared at me. When I looked back down to her, she was gone. She must have been satisfied with my answer.

I told Mr. Mind what happened on the way home and he said that it could have been a message from G-d. Perhaps we are to open our hearts and home to a child that has no permanent home and that was G-d's way of expressing what our path will be. Children are often the gatekeepers to things forgotten, pure joy and innocent love. Little 'A' displayed that today. She seemed to be happy to know that another adult is willing to adopt a baby just as she was adopted.

We are still toying with our two options and looking for ways to pay for either option. Mr. Mind said this weekend "I feel pulled between a child that needs a loving home vs bringing one into this world." I agree. I am torn too. Did 'A' just help us with this decision?