Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Daydreamer- When Its Time to Chose In Reality

I am a daydreamer. A big huge daydreamer. I consume hours a day mentally running through scenarios and opportunities on a variety of topics. I think about what I want, like, and can do. I plan and design mentally.

I just don't think about things, I prepare for them. However, once in a while, I over plan. 

The one constant in the adoption process is uncertainty. You can be guaranteed that nothing will go as planned. Everything that is required, is subjected to changed. No matter if your social worker, the county, a lawyer or even the birth family told you something, nothing goes as planned.

So you are probably wondering what does daydreaming have anything to do with adoption. 

When you spend months and then years hoping for a child, all you have left is day dreaming. Hubby and I have ran through every scenario we could ever imagine and talked about what we would do. We bounced ideas around about day cares, mommy groups versus me staying home and only working seasonally. We talking about me staying home to teach our child basic skills until preschool or kindergarten or even homeschooling. We worked through our finances and resources to figure out what was even possible. We spent a large number of weeks discussing the pros and cons of  diapers, formulas, and rather it made sense to even waste money on bassinets. We even talked about carpet vs hardwoods and how much dirt can a kid really eat.

Some people would pass judgement and say that we wasted so much time, but really six years is a long time to just wait and wait. We could have earned a doctorate degree in that time. Instead we stuck with our expensive master degrees and pondered on parenthood.

But daydreaming is getting the best of me right now. I have longed for the days that I just sit back and watch the growth of our precious baby. We have busted our asses trying to work and save tens of thousands of dollars for this adoption. The last thing I want to do is report to work after 12 weeks and let someone else hold, smile at and love on my precious baby, my hard work.

But I'm faced with that dilemma of what do I do when my career, my job. I have been working in a contractor position for 9 months. It began as a really boring job, but things are beginning to pick up. Things are beginning to change. Long term employment is being tossed around. Ideas about me adding to and creating a procedure is being discussed. Hard work is ahead. Dedication is needed.

I had stopped daydreaming about this kind of career six years ago. My attention turned away from wanting a career to wanting a family because one was harder to get than the other.

My company is well aware of our pending adoption. I dont believe that it's right to hold secrets that will short change the company. I also asked for 4 months of maternity leave due to the laws in our state surrounding final adoption court dates. My manager accepted it and her manager accepted it. My contract will be renewed upon return from maternity leave.

But what about all those day dreams I have had for six years? 

What about the random trips to the library for reading hour and baby day at the mall? What about parent and baby swim class and music class. My mother did that with me, and I wanted to do that also.

It pains me to think about only being home for four months and only getting to spend a few short hours with my child before bedtime. It seems to sad to me that I only have Saturday and Sunday to stuff in parent and child classes. But on the other hand, it sucks to pass up opportunities at work that seem to be carved just for me. These opportunities don't happen often, but I just dont feel as excited about as I thought I would have six years ago.

So do I dare to keep daydreaming on every scenario and possibility? Or is it time for me to be in reality and make choices. Let me daydream on that one...

Friday, February 17, 2017

Give me your Thoughts

Hello, This is Brandon, Mr. Mind and I am crashing my wife's blog today.

Want to help us make a difference in the lives of others that are suffering with infertility? Please complete our survey to the left. Every entry allows us to learn what other couples experience. If you aren't suffering from infertility, please forward this on to others.

What are the results used for? 

 As a therapist, I am beginning to see more and more clients that are suffering from depression and grief due to infertility. The pain has driven a wall between couples and prevented progress. The responses will allow for me to be inclusive as I put the final touches on my e-workbook. Details on the e-workbook are to come! So please let me know your thoughts on how Infertility has effected you and your relationship.

I want to thank you and remember Infertility Isn't Inferior

Friday, February 10, 2017

Time to Forgive

Can I be honest with you guys? Two years ago on December 3, around 11am, Hubby and I were turned down by our first donor. I am still hurt by this!

A loving family member wanted to help us make a dream come true. He resend his offer, stating that 'if we were meant to have children we would'. I was crushed. He gave his opinion and never looked back. He never called to check up on us. We avoided him and his family; we didnt care to speak to them. We wanted to get as far away as possible from the pain that they caused.

Last month, Hubby was able to express his feelings to that family member. He shouted, pounded his fist and shook his head. His frustration from years past was visibly leaving his body. I on the other hand sat there fuming. I just couldn't forgive that person as easily. They took away so much.

But everything has a time. It is my time to forgive them and forgive myself. I couldn't speak his name or see his face for two years without anger building. It has not been fair to him nor myself to carry that pain. He told my husband last month that he forgot all about it and figured that we moved on. He was glad that we needed closure from him and he offered it. He apologized profusely and I am now accepting it.