Wednesday, January 20, 2016


* Sad Post Ahead...You've Been Warned*

From the moment hubby and I threw the birth control out the window until now, we have met many newborns. I have been invited to over a dozen baby showers and received many pictures of tiny fingers and toes. All around us, friends and family have welcomed 16 babies with the 17th baby due in a few months. That 17th baby, which I'll refer to as the "Lost Gift", is the biggest stinger of them all.

Each of these babies bring a sense of joy and jealousy to me all at once. I'm pretty sure I display both emotions when I'm forced to hear one pregnancy announcement after another. The majority of the parents are aware that we don't have children and only a handful know the hurt in our eyes and heart. Only a few know that this is the biggest hurdle of our lives. The rest probably don't think twice. After 4 years, I shouldn't be phased by all the babies around me, but the pain of loneliness and bitterness doesn't quite go away just because someone else was blessed with something you've been waiting to be blessed with.

Does a tree not make a sound when it falls in the forest?

Indeed it does and I make a lot of sound while the shower is running. That's my favorite crying spot. It's much easier to let the tears bellow out with the thunder of the shower. Perhaps my hiccups and snorts sound like I'm singing in the shower. But hubby is way too smart for that. He knows I'm in there hurt and crumbling. He just doesn't know what to say or do so he pretends that he doesn't hear me. Perhaps he's not pretending but standing beyond the door crying himself. He knows there's a solution to our pain but it's chilling with the needle in the haystack.

So to the parents of the "Lost Gift", you may try to ignore our tears that taste so sour or the pain that stings so deeply, but know that one day we will prevail. One day we will be blessed with a little one with tiny fingers and toes and I too shall call them a Gift.  I will teach them to give and not take and to love and care with all their heart. I want to instill a genuine desire to love those around them so their love one won't have to hide in their favorite crying spot.

From Maruki

Monday, January 18, 2016

Dissing Debt-Fast Money

Baby Step One in Dave Ramsey's plan is getting $1,000 quick fast and in a hurry. 'Gazelle Intense' Dave calls it. Do whatever you can to get $1,000 ($500 for young adults and teens). Some people sell all that they don't use and some sell their skills. Come on, do you really need boots with fur in Florida? If you are done having children, sell those out grown clothes, and furniture. My parents moved from Michigan to Virginia and gave away over 8 winter coats. Ummm, that was lost money! Can you sew? make a dress for someone. Get the money, get it fast and get it secured!!! That is the beginning of your emergency fund.

Hubby and I were the kind of couple that kept building savings, but not paying debt. That isn't the smartest idea. I had $1000 in credit card debt with $2000 in the savings account just collecting 1% interest. What was I thinking? If you are like me, put aside the $1000 for the emergency fund, and use the rest to pay your debt. Now, don't go cashing in 401Ks and mutual funds. I am referring to a plain ole savings account that held onto my money.

I have a coworker who is trying to get savvy with her money in 2016. I applaud her because she needs to. Her 3 children rely on her to make the best choices with what she has. They are also learning from her. They see that a new handbag comes first and then the light bill, for example. That's the wrong lessons to teach. During this transition, parents should not keep financial secrets from there children. Say out loud that "I can't get those burgundy jeans until I get my $1000 savings and then pay down my Sears card." They will first learn that it's OK to be strict with yourself, then second that there is a prize at the end of each struggle. For those that do not have a spouse or children yet, these lessons will set you straight before that phase of life comes your way.

One question that I have received was how long should it take me to get $1000. Some people can get it in a month and others will take a few months. Keep paying your bills, but cut extra spending where ever possible. There's no time limit, it's only the tensity that matters. If you aren't moving like you're in a hurry, then your not and that's the problem. Dave said it's your MENTAL that's the problem, not your bank account folks.

Once you get the money, don't spend it. Place it in an unreachable place. Dave Ramsey recommends a mutual fund, savings account or in a picture frame. Its for emergencies and guess what? Life will dish out one and having $1,000 to put towards it will make life a little easier.

Get gazelle intense, and get your emergency fund started.

Above is the video of each of the 7 steps. Watch it and then come back to each week to learn how to implement his plan and get some tips. You can also follow the link below to watch it.

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

When #4 Is A No-Go

I should have told you all that we were doing the 4th IUI procedure in December, but that was 2015. I was still about with the secret life of Maruki! Now that it's a new year I shall reveal more of who we are:

We did do try #4 on December 20, 2015. That sunny, cold Sunday was too exciting for us because I was finally getting a positive OPK during the normal time frame. That was Day 16 for me and I normal don't see a plus sign until Day 18. Let's blame acupuncture for this positive change. We ran into the RE's office 10am in the morning and finished the afternoon off at a NFL game. The game helped eased the pain for hubby, I believe.

Our two week wait wasn't that difficult. After all, we had Christmas and New Years during those days. We spent the times dreaming and making wishes for our future baby. We were explaining to our parents how exciting it would be to have a baby near my birthday or even in my birth month. We even discussed baby showers, car seats and diaper bags. We were generally happy to close out 2015 and enter 2016 as parents. Oh silly me! I should have known better...

These Damn Tests Cost too Much to keep getting a "NO"!

On January 3, 2016 we welcomed the new year with a blow. Not a blow out the candles and make a wish blow, but a blow to the ego, blow to the stomach and a blow to the head. It was Negative again! Did I mention that it was also Hubby's birthday? Yeah and all I got him was a baby, which I actually didn't have to give! 

We have been at this process for over 4 years and all we keep getting "No"!  

Did we cry? 
Did we curse? 
Like a F**king Sailor! 
Are we moving forward? 
Yes, we have no choice.

What makes Mr. Mind and I stay together during this rough patch in our relationship is that we know that it's not the end. There is and will always be another road to take. There is another option ahead. If we stop now, we will never be able to see what's ahead. This is not just meaningless advice that child bearing women give, but it's actually true. Science has enabled us to explore as many options as we can pay for (yeah, money might be the major roadblock.) Everything from IVF, IUI, ICIS-IVF, etc. can rob a couple of the opportunity to do things naturally and comfortably. It shouldn't be viewed as 'death sentence' or an end-all. When science and our bodies fails us, or if your heart leads you there first, couples always have the decision of Adoption or Child-free. 

The point is that we have to move from this crummy, horrible, tear-soaked place and move onto dry land where we can actually plant our feet on solid ground and get somewhere. The road keeps curving and new paths keep showing up. It is in our best interest to cry, kick and scream until it hurts then stop, shake it off and then keep positively moving. For there is always a 5th Try!

From Maruki,
P.S. We will only have a 5th Try...we're dead broke now!

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